My Worst Enemy

Our local public library is shaping up to be my worst enemy. Their first offense, the child-magnet water fountain that they placed in front of their doors. It's all fine and dandy in wintry times but when the highs are in triple digits, no normal adult wants to linger outside.

Their second offense, waiting 10 days to tell me that a book was overdue. Sure the fine only came to $2 but that was $2 I could have spent on some sort of sugary candy that would have made my life beautiful. If given earlier notice I would have gladly, and quickly, returned "Dear Dragons Trip to the Market," a very thrilling book about an imaginary dragon's trip to an outdoor market. Apparently my toddler found this book so thrilling that he strategically placed it on his overstuffed bookshelf in hopes that it would not make it's way back to the library.

Their third offense, self check-out. I used to love self check-out lines because they generally meant no waiting. However, things have changed since the addition of 2 boys in my life. I now find it impossible to keep my children from embarrassing me in public while I struggle to scan in books and print out a receipt.

Take today, for example, I first tried the strategy of sitting both boys up on the counter but it didn't take long for that strategy to go awry. Almost immediately Ben was grabbing at books and putting them in any spot but the one they belonged in. This then led to Steven pushing Ben to try and make him stop. And, of course, Ben responded to this misdeed with an ear splitting scream that echoed wonderfully on the library's high, vaulted ceilings. Steven then felt it his duty to yell "No Ben!" while shoving him again.

Apparently the scene we were creating was so appalling or just headache inducing that a teenage boy asked if he could help me. But by that point all books were checked out and I gratefully declined as I tried to rush my dawdling toddler out of their. Of course as soon as we exited this cursed place Steven was immediately distracted by the library's first offense, their fountain. This same fountain also elicited more shrieks from Ben as he struggled against my hand in a desperate attempt to escape towards the water. And I am sure at some point we dropped a library book that would lead us to the second offense.

And so the cycle continues. Library, I once loved to enter your doors and read your books but it is now official, you are my worstest enemy,