Overwhelmed

This year is going to be a tough year. I have too many students (20 English Language Learners that I have to meet with for 4 hours a day, 3 that I meet with 1 hour a day) and not enough of me. It would be better if I had an aide but I now have to share her with two other schools and will be lucky if I get her in the mornings) Unlike last year, I am actually having to take work home and go in on the weekends which I absolutely hate doing. That's supposed to be my time with my boys. I think part of the reason I have to take the work home is because I have to pump twice a day at work and I am loosing that prep time. It's making me wonder if I should switch to formula but I hate to do that....

My first graders have been taking the most out of me, I have 10 of them and I never just have them. I either have them and my 7 second graders or I have them and my 3 third graders. The first graders are essentially still babies and have no idea how to listen to a teacher. The minute I start talking their eyes are on the ceiling, their hands are in their desk or their mouths are taking to their neighbors. I am not a fan of teaching first graders and I am having a hard time managing them. I have been trying music and movement breaks but it seems like they don't help. No attention spans at all! I feel like I can't be an effective teacher to the older kids because I waste so much time trying to keep the first graders in line.

I also feel ineffective because I have so many different levels at one time. I have some that speak no English, some that speak a little and some that are just a bit behind grade level and within that I often have 2-3 different grade levels in my room at a time. It's hard to meet all their needs. Doing reading, spelling and writing groups is difficult because most of them can't handle independent work. Many are just used to not having to do any work at all. It's frustrating.

And to top it all off I have two boys to take care of at home (by myself since Tyler is back at school and doesn't get home until 7:30) and one of those boys needs to nurse once in the mornings with me and twice when I get home. And another one seems to want dinner the second we get home. And then there's bathing them and it seems when all that is done (plus dishes, garbage and laundry) it's time for bed. I miss being able to just sit down and play with my boys. Those times are more rare than I would like.

Truly, overwhelmed is the only way to describe the way I am feeling. I live for my weekends and I am praying that I can just make it to Fall Break. I know I need to just have faith and find joy in the journey but right now I'm finding that difficult.